In honor of Earth Day or Blackout Hour or whatever it is that is currently being done to save the planet... I am pulling up from the earlier days an old post (and to substitute for today's lack of creativity)
But today I also physically recycled:
1 bag of aluminum cans
1 inkjet cartridge
14 old batteries
and I fed the dog my leftover baked chicken so it wouldn't go to waste.
I'm not expecting any awards, but I did try a little....
FROM NOVEMBER 2006:
"Yes Doctor, I AM Bitchy today"
Today I got to participate in my favorite yearly event.
Oh the beloved annual visit to the ob-gyn.
Just the mere idea of having to go sends my blood pressure up at LEAST 30 points.
Notably, my doctor erroneously asked me why I was so grouchy for all my annual visits - after all, "what had he done to deserve such a bad attitude from me all these years?"
I apologized and asked him not to take it personally. And after a brief moment of pensive thought I responded:
"Never mind, the minute I walk in, your perniciously perky receptionist starts in on what a nice day it is and her gratuitous, yet contrived efforts to be overly pleasant start off raking on my already edgy demeanor. The next series of questions, that after 12 years of NO changes, I still must answer. Next, I have to wait for 30 minutes in a waiting room full of annoyed and bored husbands and boyfriends - all of which now KNOW what I'm going to have to do... Once my name is called in a depersonalized fashion 'MSSSSUSS. SMMMMITH!' (no real name used here of course) you force me to attempt a skilled exercise for which I am not physically designed to do properly - the whole pee in a thimble mess. After the initial denuding of my dignity, I am STABBED in the finger, made to stand on the ENEMY known as the "scales" and if THAT isn't enough, you stick me in a refrigerated room with nothing but a tissue to cover up with and only "Oprah" magazines to read for God knows how long.... THEN you come in here and SMASH what's left of the bags formerly known as breasts after nursing two wonderful children, and if that wasn't enough....,
YOU SCRAPE MY VAGINA WITH A TOOTHPICK!!!!!
....and have the nerve to ASK ME WHY I AM IN A BAD MOOD????"
Awkward Silence.
Needless to say, I got an extra bag of samples today >o)
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:o)
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4 comments:
Ouch!!!
Now my vagina hurts, and I don't even have one!
You get samples?!?!
Sarge once had to sit with me through an exam right after I had Piko deG. Someone had to hold her.
"Isn't that uncomfortable and weird?" he asked me. Honey, I told him. I just squeezed smething the size of a watermellon, out of something the size of an orange. And did it infront of a room of 20 strangers. Nothing makes me uncomfortable anymore.
(I had an infection, that's the only reason he came. Never again, I'm sure)
HAHAHA! AMEN!!!!
My spouse has to force me to go to the Gyn.
I go faithfully for a mammogram - no questions, no hesitation.
But the Gyn? Right there with you.
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